….have any of you met some guy and thought Mmm he seems okay only to get to know him that little bit better as in maybe visit his house for the first time. Now if I walked in to some blokes house and he had one of these next* to his P.C.
Sorry but my first thought would be…run!
….now this got me thinking – have I ever walked into a new man-in-my-life’s home only to be confronted with some oddity?
To be honest – No, I have never been confronted with anything even remotely resembling an up the skirt fumble mouse** In fact the nearest I ever got to a strange happening with a new fella’s house hold objects involved a man named D from Brighton.
Now, D didn’t have a ‘proper’ job as in his money came from somewhat dodgy activities of which I will not go into on here.
To mask his apparent ability to live on fresh air he owned a vast amount of Minstrels and Skittles sweet machines – the sort that you see in pubs. This was to deter I imagine for when the secret police (paranoia is all linked in here believe me) came knocking wondering how he lived without a salary or claiming benefits.
His flat, though small and basic – nay – primitive, was comfortable enough - but he lacked a bed of the framed variety. However, D had very inventively devised a divan type base using a couple of dozen large retail size boxes of Minstrels and Skittles topped off with a mattress.
.
Yes – we slept on a chocolate and candy bed! However, not for long and without any prompting from me, he did dash out a week later to buy a traditional arrangement.
….sadly (?) D and I did not last, though it was not anything to do with his lack of home comforts.
Anyway, I digress…anyone else?
* From a company named Axe
** For people who wish to put their hand up a skirt and feel a hard bulge.
Well, this could be construed as evidence they know it exists.
{trying to look on the bright side}
Creepy.
Yes, run, run-like-the-wind seeing anything like this (or just avoid men altogether!!)
Where did you find the picture? ‘Axe’ is the brand name used for ‘Lynx’ on the continent and ‘mouse’ is the Scandinavian equivalent of ‘pussy’.
Bea – I was forwarded it from a friend. However, I did look them up and they do have ‘men’s fragrances’ The mouse/pussy connection I was unaware of–thank you :-/
I think…..
I seem to have met a run of guys who think it is ok to get drunk and tell me that all women are bitches cos they just don’t know how hard it is to be a man! One night I was on my way home to one of these guys when he started his diatribe. I literally said ‘uh…see ya’ and ran away from him. Ha…once bitten and all that.
So, they call their…. . Bea, what?!
Ah yes Bea, now that you mention it, the font and branding is very Lynx (UL definitely use different product names in different countries). Seems that the Campaign for Real Beauty is looking more and more sincere with each passing day *ahem*. [ok, like we didn't know]
Sparkle, I’d missed your ** the first time around, the hard bulge, mmm interesting…
Hi – I would not run, Iwould be flattered! this is empowering for me as I would think I am truly being celebrated as a fuckbot and this is what men love – I would feel powerful and in control – I would look around for his booby salt and pepper shakers, (hopefully they would look just like my own jordan breast implants), and his copies of fhm and nuts. THis is true empowerment (said the chicken to the human, hunting other chickens to eat – you get me don’t ya sparkle
)? Oh, where are my stripper shoes so I can do a sexy pole dance for him (I love all that control!)
And now I have mental images of chickens shimmying up and down poles, yikes!
bizarre and disturbing! A skirt which appears to be of child size for men to put their hands inside…hmmm…not at all creepy…hmmm…
hmmm…weird happenings in relationships…my ex boyfriend kept a pair of pants that I asked him to throw away – not sure why I didn’t do it myself (or maybe I did…) and they were old and all-unelasticated and stuff …and then I found them in his desk draw at home (got rid of them when we were living together at uni)…that’s weird huh? He also liked goats far too much…oh and he giggled like a happy child the first time he saw me naked!
Grace – I thought that about the skirt.
Humm yes tights goats and giggling….yes well
This is totally gross but a man who used to live quite near to me went to jail for having sex with a goat.
Sorry that was totally Ik
Axe’s site – yup it looks like lynx
http://www.axefantasy.com/
Hey, who’s that up there nicking my chicken analogy??
Upskirt mouse. FFS.
Pony, Scandinavians refer to a woman’s genitals as ‘mouse’ (mus). Is that what you were asking? I’m not sure.
The text under the mouse reads ‘THE AXE EFFECT’. What Unilever* is basically saying is that if you are a man that uses LYNX/AXE* then the effect will be that you get to put your hand up women’s/girl’s skirts and touch their genitals. Whether or not a woman wants this and whether or not she gives her permission seems, from Unilever’s point of view, somewhat irrelevant.
*Unilever is the company behind ‘Dove’.
**Different names. Same stench.
Ick. “**Different names. Same stench.”
Can’t say it better than that.
The Lynx version of the Axe Fantasy site is:
http://www.thelynxeffect.com/
The site is currently down for routine maintenance.
I ventured into the Axe Fantasy (and surprise, surprise) they are basically ’selling’ women (as fantasy).
If you look under the TV link, you will see it is the exact same style of TV advert as Lynx. But the ‘real’ embarrassment (for UL) is the link to “Fantasy Girls” (oh yes, ‘girls’ again, never ‘women’). A direct contradiction to the supposed warm fuzzies for all women of all shapes and sizes, and purely the fashion/porn freak*.
*freak because only a tiny percentage of the population look like that, plus they only look like that after hours of make-up, wardrobe, hairdressing—plus of course the years of dieting and exercise (and born-like-it factor).
Had better add it to Grrrlcott (under Dove) when I get around to it.
Further to Grace’s comment, yes, I too thought it looked like the skirt was for an 8-yo girl. Very paedo.
From the AXE site, also check out “Hot Stuff” which is their ‘dating guide’ (or how to become a Casanova).
The ‘pick up lines’ — downright funny! (funny stupid, not funny ha-ha)
On a more serious note, in the same section “how to get her to act out your fantasies”, scroll to the bottom:
Where, oh where, have we heard that last sentence before???
I don’t have any boyfriend stories, being heterosexual. What I do have, though, are stories about the bedrooms of men who can’t get women to come home with them in the first place.
One of the most disturbing “oddities” I’ve seen was at a friend’s house a few years ago. He’d bought a gigantic poster of this anime girl, who was meant to be 14 years old (he was 20), in this creepy submissive pose, covered in bandages. He then proceeded to hang the poster directly above his bed. I asked him if he thought there was anything !!!INCREDIBLY FUCKING CREEPY!!! about him lying in bed and fantasizing about a girl who’s suffering from unspecified debilitating injuries and is well below the age of consent.
His response: “I started fantasizing about her when I was 14, and it’s not MY fault that cartoons don’t age”.
Wow.
I made my excuses, left, and tried to avoid him from then on, with great success. I really regret not taking him to task for it at the time. I would if it happened again.
And yes, that skirt thing is incredibly creepy. Along with the work-safe porn wallpaper, all that’s missing is one of those gel arm-rests designed to look like a pair of breasts.
Eek! Richie um yes serious creep attack!
Yes – why are there female body parts all over the place? did you ever see the breasts ’soap dispenser’ for the shower?
And you know – if you say anything it’s like
Durr chilll out it’s just abit o fun…prude. Seriously like lighten up …do you hate men?
*eyes in back of head*
all of the above – oh dear…i try not to be surprised but you know i just can’t manage it. what is it all about ffs??? how do these things get distributed? well i know but ….
breath has been taken away.
why do we need these inanimate ‘women substitutes’ (very heavy irony in the phrase btw) to fondle or abuse? are we afraid we’ll do it for real if we don’t have them or are we just practising for that precious chance we get…? i must go somewhere and scream now. it is just fucking weird. weird weird weird – and i know we like to call other people’s ideas of sex weird but it is BLOODY WEIRD FFS
it’s weird.
on the other hand:
‘oh and he giggled like a happy child the first time he saw me naked!’
i’m sure if i didn’t physically do that the first time, then i was doing it inside, so who’s the bad guy? i think i still find it cute; blody hell, i think i still feel that way with CLP – must not go into detail as can only imagine her embarassment (and possibly would turn everyone’s stomach). weird too i suppose – but not fucking weird enough to get a copafeel mousemat…
btw, sparks, the breasts soap dispenser is just a tosser alarm; still, if you’re in his shower it may be a bit late to find out…
One of my parents’ neighbours used to have a cup that was shaped like a breast. The time I saw him drinking from it he was using it the conventional way but there was a hole in the ‘nipple’ to drink from as well. Ugh. He was actually a really down to earth family man, and it just goes to show how much all of that is “just a bit of fun” and even was 10 or so years ago. Like those straws you can buy that have penises on the end of them etc.
(ps Sparkle – it was knickers that my ex kept not tights!)
I have, sadly, never seen breast-shaped soap dispensers. These people’s bedrooms are bad enough, so I don’t even want to imagine the state of their toilets.
I get “conservative” rather than “prudish”. Because women-as-sex-objects is clearly a bold step into uncharted territory, and I fear the coming revolution.
Awful things I’ve seen in people’s houses #2: A draw full of breasts. Not real ones, thankfully. It was, however, still a draw filled entirely with pictures of breasts, cut out from magazines. No faces, no arms, no lower abdomens, just breasts. In a draw. What made it even stranger was that his floor was covered in issues of FHM to the extent that I couldn’t tell if it was carpeted or not. Surely a draw full of breasts is surplus to requirements in this situation?
And people wonder why I’m a loner.
“His response: “I started fantasizing about her when I was 14, and it’s not MY fault that cartoons don’t age”.”
I’d have to respond with something like, “True. But you did age, dumbass. When are you going to grow up?”
@Ritchie: Eck. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
The boy who raped me had an anime poster just above his bed, it was Faye Valentine from Cowboy Beebop. She was tied up on a bed, with her arms behind her back.
Also: He used to cut out pictures of breasts from various pornography magazines, though I never enquired as to where he kept them. His mother condoned it, saying “Well, he’s a growing boy.”
More like a growing fuckhead rapist.